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Unexpected Things That Excite You in Your 40s

During my childhood, I was elated over Goomie bracelets (the more the better) and Lisa Frank stickers.

As a teenager, it was a flannel specifically tied around my waist and a pair of Doc Martens.

In my 20s, you could have probably bribed me to commit a mild misdemeanor by gifting me white eyeshadow, a tube top that doubled as a skirt and body glitter.

My 30s brought a newfound love for leggings – the official mom uniform.

Little did I know what my 40s had in store. 

The things that have me in an absolute chokehold as a middle-aged mom are wild. But like, in a totally different way.

Remember the Craftmatic commercials with the ancient-looking couple (at least to us young dewy-skinned teens) who looked like they just got home from the early bird buffet at Golden Corral? Sidenote: They were probably 45. Well, we crossed over to the dark side several years ago and bought an adjustable bed and the only regret I have is that we didn’t do it sooner. That very first time my husband and I laid in that bed to watch Jersey Shore Family Vacation, I was a changed woman. Being able to sit up while laying down is a luxury I never knew I needed.

I know this next one can be a divisive topic, but I am firm on my position. I am pro weighted blanket. When I shimmy under it at night, it’s like a cozy, just the right level of aggressive to calm you the fuck down, hug. Be warned though that you should stretch and remember to bend from the knees while folding it to avoid injury, Learn from my mistakes. 

We all lie about flossing. The binge flossing 24-48 hours before regular dentist appointments is real. Because I am now susceptible to health and wellness gadgets at this stage in my life, I ordered a Waterpik suggested by the hygienist during my last cleaning. That sucker was in my Amazon cart while drool was still dripping onto the little paper on my chest. As if that wasn’t enough, I saw a TikTok about adding mouth wash to water flossers (because the algorithm obviously knew I ordered one minutes before which isn’t creepy at all). You guys are not prepared for the freshness that ensues from this genius hack.

Speaking of TikTok, I am a sucker for the wares I see daily. Suddenly, my feed was bustling with people cleaning nooks and crannies around their house with an electric scrubber. It comes with various sizes and shapes of cleaning attachments to tackle pretty much every surface of your home and OMG I SOUND LIKE AN INFOMERCIAL. There’s a little bit of a learning curve since it feels like a wrangling a feral king cobra at first. So far, I have used it on my walls to get rid of handprints (and footprints because, kids), my baseboards, my sink and more. I actually smile while cleaning with it and I don’t how to feel about that. Regardless, TikTok got me. #influenced

I just need you to know that wearable heating pads exist. There are different styles and even colors. It’s like wrapping any part of your aching body in a warm cozy blanket that radiates heat in all the best ways and it’s fucking amazing. Do not sleep on making this purchase. I recently upped my game to a heated tens unit that I wrap around my lower back as I go about my day, and I feel like I have hit a new level of adulthood.

One minute you’re buying cheap pillows in Target, then in the blink of an eye you are willing to drop some mad cash on a cervical pillow. It cradles and coddles your neck that always seems to be out of whack since you hit 40 and when you sleep without it, you pay the next morning. 

Organizational containers make me giddy AF. During Prime Day (which is really like a major fucking holiday among the middle-aged crowd), I bought a bevy of clear plastic containers to Home Edit the shit out of my pantry. I still get goosebumps when I open it to admire my work. 

I don’t like how subtitles get a bad rep. Some people get annoyed the second they hit the screen and see them as a distraction. I get annoyed when my husband doesn’t immediately put them on. Between kids yelling in the background, dogs with their squeaky toys and random house noises, my ears miss a lot if I am watching TV at night. Once you embrace subtitles, the second half of your life begins. Work smarter, not harder, besties. You can chase a similar high with larger fonts on your phone.

If your partner snores in a way that makes you rage toss and turn, get yourself a sleep mask that comes outfitted with tiny Bluetooth speakers. Turn on some white noise, ambient music, guided meditation, death metal, whatever, to drown out the symphony of snores and thank me later. It’s a marriage essential and should be gifted at every bridal shower from this day forward.

I’m not sure what this entire revolution is, but honestly, I am here for it and can’t wait to see what other treasures are waiting in the wings. 


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