How to Manage Energy Wisely to Feel Successful and Not Put Off Living a Life You Love

Kathy Oneto

Let’s be real: When we’re in our twenties, it can feel like a decade-long audition for our

own life. Many of us were in achievement mode—looking to establish ourselves, get on

a trajectory of success, and in turn delay what we may have personally wanted. Young

adults today fall into the same traps due to societal pressures and social media’s

influence to be seen, liked, and constantly improving. Is it any wonder their aspirations

turn into feeling like they have to do it all, do it all now, and do it all perfectly.

But here’s what I wish someone had told me in my young adult life: We don’t have to

meet everyone’s expectations and hustle to build a life we actually love. We can pursue

what we want and care for our well-being by managing our energy wisely. Success isn’t

found in doing the shoulds and doing more to perfection—personal success is found in

doing what matters to us in a way that is actually manageable and sustainable.

Here are 4 tips I wish I knew when I first started out:

1. We don’t have to always achieve and achieve quickly. We can satisfy ourselves.

Early in life, we can get caught in a trap of pursuing external achievements on our path

to establish ourselves. But endless achievement rarely offers lasting fulfillment. That’s

called hedonic adaptation—essentially, we get used to each new achievement and the

initial satisfaction wanes, which keeps us on a treadmill feeling like we need to do more.

Plus, society makes us feel like we need to achieve quickly. Hello “30 under 30” and “40

under 40” lists. But the truth is, we’re all on our own timelines.

What’s more important early in life is to get to know ourselves and learn what is

meaningful and motivating to us so we can be energized to pursue what we want, rather

than be drained pursuing shoulds. Plus, research shows that focusing on personal

success linked to our own fulfillment actually leads to external success more often than

the reverse.

Recommend This: Pick a goal and ask yourself: “Why is this important to me?” Keep

asking this “why” question up to five times to get to a root answer. Then create your own

success metric instead of measuring against external standards—maybe “master a new

skill” or “foster energizing work friendships.”

2. We don’t have to do it all now. We can pace ourselves and subtract.

Ambitions aren’t time-bound. Rather than try to do it all now, it’s helpful to consciously

choose what matters most now and pace ourselves across periods of time. We don’t

want to create a traffic jam with our goals, trying to squeeze everything into the same

timeframe.

While FOMO is real, especially when we’re building our lives and every opportunity

feels important, here’s an important reframe: take feelings of missing out as a sign

you’re doing it right. As author James Clear wrote, “You’re not focused enough unless

you’re mourning some of the things you’re saying no to.”

Recommend This: Look at your current commitments and ask: How urgent is this?

How much energy do I naturally have for this? Then decide: Can you postpone it,

reinterpret it for less effort but a similar outcome, or let it go entirely? Give yourself

permission to choose fewer activities and prioritize your effort.

3. We don’t have to be perfect. We can be bad at things (and that’s actually good).

Many of us can fall into the trap of perfectionism, which can lead to overwork. As

Elizabeth Gilbert has expressed, perfectionism isn’t the same as having high

standards—it’s often just fear dressed up as excellence. Fear of being judged, fear of

failure, fear of not being good enough.

Rather than unconsciously putting too much effort into everything we do, the key is

to become strategic about where we apply our energy and excellence. Focus your

desired effort on what truly matters and give yourself permission to say “this is good

enough” for areas where you don’t want to strive or be the best.

Recommend This: Before diving into your next project, ask yourself: How good do I

want to be at this? What parts are worth the hard work? How much effort is really

required? Be conscious about your effort level and don’t assume you have to give

everything 110 percent.

4. We don’t have to make it all about work. We can make space for our life.

Society has convinced us that success and ambition equal career obsession, but that’s

limiting. A more fulfilling and sustainable view of ambition is wide-ranging and includes

life pursuits. Research shows that ambition is not specific to a context like a profession

but can be defined across family, leisure, and more.

Broadening our view of ambition is also good for our well-being. Gallup research across

150 countries identified five universal elements of well-being that create thriving lives:

career, social, financial, physical, and community well-being. Our ambition will be more

sustainable if our goals are more holistic and contribute to our overall health and

happiness.

Recommend This: Pick one life ambition—maybe cooking, training for a physical

endeavor, or maintaining friendships—and create a structure to pursue it. Sign up for a

class, join a training group, or schedule monthly friend gatherings. Put it on your

calendar as non-negotiable.

One’s twenties don’t have to be a decade of putting what we want and our life on hold

or hustling. When we manage our energy wisely, by satisfying ourselves instead of

everyone else, pacing ourselves and subtracting what doesn’t serve us, letting go of

perfectionism, and making space for our actual life, we create a foundation for success

that actually feels sustainable.

Here’s the truth to share with those starting out: You’re not behind, you’re not failing,

and you don’t have to have it all figured out right now. Focus on what energizes you,

protect what matters, and give yourself permission to be human. Building a life you love

is a practice, not a destination.

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Kathy Oneto is the founder of Sustainable Ambition®, host of the Sustainable Ambition podcast, and author of the book, Sustainable Ambition: How to Prioritize What Matters to Thrive in Life and Work (June 2025). She is an executive and life-work coach, speaker, and facilitator whose mission is to help ambitious organizations, teams, and individuals explore how to live and work differently for more success, satisfaction, and sustainability.

With a portfolio career and drawing from her 25-years of experience, she is also a strategy consultant and advisor who partners with ambitious organizations and leaders who want to do better for their business, customers, and people—helping them illuminate and make progress on what matters. 

Company: Sustainable Ambition

Website:  https://sustainableambition.com/

Learn about the book: https://sustainableambition.com/books

Take the free State of Ambition quiz: https://sustainableambition.com/state

Follow Kathy on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kathy-oneto/