Twenty Reasons Why I'm On The Naughty List This Year

1. I rolled my eyes so much I got vertigo.

2. I drank White Claw. On purpose.

3. I told my friends that the weather in Miami is "menopausal."

4. I got caught stalking my son’s girlfriend on Instagram.

5. I asked my teen daughter what ‘pegging’ was and now she’s in therapy.

6. If someone tells me placentas remove wrinkles, I'm becoming a midwife.

7. I only ask my husband about his day to see if he met anyone hotter, younger and/or nicer than me.

8. I found edibles in my teen’s backpack and shared them with my friends.

9. I liked too many posts on my son’s previous girlfriend’s Instagram (I liked her better).

10. You mean to tell me I was supposed to start saving for their college funds before their senior year!?

11. Who knew they called technical fouls on rowdy parents at high school basketball games?!?

12. I pull out bags of candy and mini bottles of alcohol from my purse at the movie theater.

13. I pretend to not know anything about technology so my kids will do it for me.

14. I use the promise of “a good home cooked meal“ to get my kids to visit.

15. I make my kids get extra food at the buffet so I can take it home in the ziplock bags I brought.

16. I challenge my kids’ young adult friends to dance offs too often.

17. When my husband is feeling frisky and I’m not in the mood I make him a huge dinner and turn on ESPN so he’ll fall asleep.

18. I wrap free gifts from Sephora and give them to co-workers I don’t like.

19. I missed my office holiday party to go to my great aunt’s funeral. She died in 1997.

20. I'm on the naughty list because I give my kids crap about watching TikTok videos while I'm on Facebook watching TikTok videos.