The Freedom in Surrender

There is an old story about a woman who was being chased by tigers.  

She was running and running until she came to the edge of a cliff.  She saw some vines, and climbed down. She looked down below, and saw that there were also tigers below her. Then, she looked at the vine and she saw a mouse gnawing away at it. She noticed that right in front of her, there were some ripe strawberries growing out of the dirt, so she looked up and then down. She looked at the mouse.  

Then, she plucked a strawberry and ate it.

I love this story because it shines a light on a very specific human experience.  We have all experienced the feeling of being stuck between two bad choices.  Or, maybe you’re stuck between two good choices, and you can’t seem to figure out how to choose. 

Someone once asked a spiritual teacher about surrender. 

They wanted to know, how do you know when it is time to surrender?  When is it time to stop banging your head against the same wall, and let your inner wisdom guide you to the most delicious choice? How do you know when it is time to trust the flow of things again?

Another way to say it is, when is it time to eat the strawberries?

His answer was this; “when you are fully surrounded.”  

In this context, the word surrender does not mean defeat.  

Instead, it means freedom.

There are tigers below and tigers above, and a mouse eating the rope, and you are still free.  You are fully surrounded by dangerous things, and yet, you have a choice.

To be free means to realize that you always have a choice.  You may not like the choices that are available to you at the time, but you can either meet your life , and everything that is right in front of you, or you can resist, push, grip, tighten, or numb.

Freedom is the recognition that no matter what the external circumstances are , you can choose to start where you are, use what you have, and do what you can.

Of course, this is always much easier said than done.  I am sure that this is why I love the tiger story so much.  It illustrates the feeling of super high-stakes that I know many of us feel in relation to the choices we must make in our lives.

Choosing freedom over trying to control the uncontrollable is a practice.

Just like anything else that you practice, the more that you practice it, the better you get.  Just as you have certain mental habits like, worry, sadness, boredom, distraction, etc.  You can change these habits by practicing new ones.  

I have a friend whose main parenting philosophy when she was raising her two daughters was to not teach fear.  Of course she taught them to look both ways when crossing the street, and stuff like that.  But, when it comes to the direct relationship to their lives, she taught them to trust that things are working out, and that there is always something beautiful to focus on.

I think of all the worries we have as parents, friends, entrepreneurs or whatever has meaning for you in your life, and how much energy we waste trying to keep everything safe. We focus so much on trying to control outcomes, and protect ourselves and our loved ones from the unknown, we miss the strawberries right in front of our faces.

My meditation practice taught me that whatever I focus my mind on, that is the thing that will grow.  I have watched my mind spiral uncontrollably into imaginary future horrors, while my breath sped up, my jaw clenched, and my stomach tightened.  I have also watched my mind expand with vibrantly beautiful ideas and creative visions, and I have felt my skin soften, my heart melt, and my eyes tear up because of this.

Freedom is letting go of control.  It is opening yourself up to what is here now, and it is loving what is right in front of you.