Let’s be real: tradition is just peer pressure from dead people. The holidays used to feel like a time to come together, a chance to press pause on the world's noise and reconnect with the people who matter most. But let’s be honest—it’s not that simple anymore. In 2020, I faced my first Thanksgiving without both of my parents. The loss was raw that year, and the world was reeling from a pandemic. I clung to what little I could control, trying to keep some semblance of tradition while everything else felt like it was falling apart.
Fast forward to 2024, and here we are again. The world feels just as heavy, if not more so. The presidential election has come and gone, but the fractures it left in our relationships are deeper than ever. The divide isn’t just political; it’s personal. Many of us are grappling with whether to gather with family and friends who hold beliefs that feel fundamentally at odds with our survival, rights, or identities.
When Loss Changes Everything, Again
The first Thanksgiving without my parents was a stark realization. The absence of their familiar presence left a void that could not be filled. It was a wake-up call, reminding me that traditions, although reassuring and nostalgic, must sometimes adapt to fit our current selves. In 2020, we shed the expectations of creating a flawless holiday and instead embraced what brought us joy in the present. We sat down to eat in the late hours of the day, the kitchen's warmth illuminating our faces as we gathered around the table. The menu had been simplified, but each dish held meaning and significance. As we feasted on food and laughter, everyone contributed uniquely, making this Thanksgiving unique.
But here in 2024, the challenge is no longer simply about who's missing from the table. It's become a complex question of who we invite and whether we even want to gather with those whose choices feel like a personal betrayal. How do you break bread with someone who cast their vote for policies that seem to threaten your safety, your children's futures, or the rights of those closest to your heart? The tension hangs heavy in the air, a tangible force that makes every interaction uncomfortable. The clinking of utensils against plates becomes a soundtrack for navigating the strained dynamic. Every bite feels like a bitter pill as you try to reconcile your conflicting emotions toward this person sitting across from you at the dinner table.
The Family We Choose
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that “family” is more than just the people you share DNA with. It’s about the people who show up for you when it matters most, the ones who truly see you, support you and love you for exactly who you are. And if the past few years have taught me anything, it’s that sometimes the family you choose can be even more vital than the one you were born into.
As this year ends, I am embracing this truth more than ever. In a world that often feels hostile and divided, the concept of Thanksgiving goes beyond simply sharing a meal with loved ones. It is about the people who stand by you not just on one day of the year but for all 364 days. These people listen without judgment, validate your experiences, and empower you to grow and evolve, even if it means pushing you out of your comfort zone. They are the pillars of support in our lives, unwavering and steadfast, as we navigate life's challenges and triumphs.
We can’t choose the families we’re born into, but we do get to choose the people we surround ourselves with. So, if your blood family feels more like a battlefield than a refuge, it’s okay to seek out a chosen family that nourishes your soul instead. Friends, neighbors, coworkers—those relationships can become lifelines. These people don’t just bring cranberries to your table but show up when life gets hard, celebrate your wins, and hold space for your grief.
For me, finding a like-minded community has become an essential form of self-care. It's about building a close-knit circle of individuals who share your values and beliefs, support and uplift you and create a safe space to express your authentic self fully. And let's face it - navigating the holiday season can be incredibly challenging, especially when you feel pressure to compromise your true identity to maintain peace within your family or social circles.
So, this year, I’m choosing to celebrate with the people who fill my cup, not drain it. The ones who understand that it’s okay to create new traditions, to say no to gatherings that feel more draining than joyful, and to build a life that aligns with your values, even if that means going against the grain of what’s expected.
Choosing Peace Over Perfection
As the holiday season approaches, memories of that first year without my parents flood back. The empty seats at the dinner table, usually reserved for them, still sting with a bittersweet ache. Yet, as I reflect on the past and take in the current state of our world, I have realized that it's okay to prioritize myself over traditions. This year, my focus is on creating a haven of warmth and love, one that reflects my personal beliefs and values. Even if some chairs at the table remain unoccupied, I am content in knowing that I am honoring my needs and boundaries.
The world may be louder and more polarized than ever, but I’m choosing to close the door to it, at least for a day. Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be a battlefield. It can be a sanctuary—a time to pause, reflect, and protect our peace. If that means declining invitations or rethinking who gets to share that space with you, then so be it. Because at the end of the day, the people who truly love you will understand your need for boundaries.
Building New Traditions That Reflect Who We Are Now
In a world where division seems the norm, perhaps the most revolutionary action we can take is establishing genuine, unique traditions. This means reducing the number of individuals involved, minimizing stress, and maximizing joy. It's about prioritizing those who bring warmth and positivity into our lives while releasing those who only bring darkness.
This year, we’re simplifying even more. No elaborate spreads, no forced conversations. Just good food, a chosen family, and a commitment to protect our peace. We’re doubling down on what makes us feel whole: laughter, comfort, and connection with people who genuinely support us.
Embracing the Holidays with Intention
As we enter the holiday season, may we have the courage to redefine what it means to come together. Perhaps that means breaking away from outdated traditions that no longer bring us joy, or perhaps it is about creating safe havens where we can truly be ourselves, free from judgment and the burden of political divides.
Here's to making this time of year a celebration of joy, healing, and choosing love over obligation. Whether surrounded by loved ones or enjoying peaceful solitude, may every moment remind you of your worth in a world that often feels harsh. In these difficult times, we all deserve moments of tenderness and warmth.