top of page

10 Thoughts on Sex After 40


Midlife woman engaged in sex with partner while she contemplates how much her joints hurt and how much she would like tea and a snack.

Sex after 40? It’s like a hilarious mix of confidence, creaky joints, and questionable priorities. In a moment you can go from feeling sexy to being hyperaware of the pain in your hip. Hormones are a telenovela, and let’s not even talk about trying to be sexy while your knees pop like bubble wrap. At least we’ve got experience............ and a heating pad.

Here are 10 thoughts on what happens when sex meets midlife.


1. The Libido Paradox: Hot Flash or Hot Mess?

One moment, we’re hot and ready, and the next, I’m just freaking hot. It’s like an oven in here; get off me! Perimenopause sucks. You’re telling me I must choose between sweating through the sheets or actually wanting to use them? Pick a struggle!


2. Confidence: The New Sexy... But Also, My Hips Are Tired and I Don’t Wanna Be On Top

Somewhere along the way, I stopped caring about what people thought of my body, but now I care deeply about ergonomic pillows and joint support. I can confidently strut into the bedroom...but please understand that hip swaying is not me trying to be sexy; I’m just trying to get that joint to pop before I climb in bed..Still, confidence! I own this body—and the heating pad next to it.


3. Do I Want Sex or a Snack? The Eternal Debate

It’s 9 p.m. and a very serious question looms: sex or a snack? Maybe both? No, not with these tummy issues. We can have the munchies or we can have the lovies, but both back to back isn’t going to be pleasant. Decision-making is hard when you’ve got priorities like calcium intake and pleasure optimization. 


4. Hormones: Making My Life a Telenovela

I used to be so chill. Now, thanks to hormonal swings, my emotional range includes spontaneous tears over a grocery store commercial and irrational rage when someone forgets to replace the toilet paper roll. Can we please schedule sex for after my next therapy session? 


5. Expectation Adjustment: Netflix and… Probably Still Netflix

Sure, I once fantasized about candlelit romance. Now? If I can stay awake for an entire movie without getting annoyed at plot holes or wondering if my laundry's done, it’s a win. So yes, sex happens after 40—but so does Netflix, and at this point, I’m just glad I get to pick the show.


6. Body Positivity: Yes, But Could You Maybe Turn Off That Lamp?

I’ve embraced body positivity after 40... as long as the lighting is dim. Candlelight is romantic and flattering. Or we could leave the hall light on. Look, I love my body for everything it’s been through, but I’m also aware that no one needs to see this much honesty under fluorescent lights.


7. Time Management: Multitasking Queen, but Not in That Way

After 40, I’m a pro at multitasking: I can answer emails, make dinner, and schedule doctor’s appointments all at once. But the moment sex is on the table, suddenly all I can think about is tomorrow’s meeting agenda or whether I remembered to get the roast out of the freezer for dinner in time. 


8. Pillow Talk: From Flirty to ‘Is This Pillow Supportive Enough?

Remember when pillow talk used to be cute and sexy? Now, it’s me asking if anyone has a firm recommendation for a neck support pillow. That, or we're discussing which knee brace offers the best comfort. Not quite what romance novels promised, but here we are. (And can someone make some sexy pjs that are actually comfortable? We can go to the moon, but we can’t be comfy AND cute for bed yet? Come on.)


9. My 20s Were For Wild Nights—Now It’s About Wildly Early Bedtimes

In my 20s, staying up until 2 a.m. was normal. Now, if you expect me to function after 9 p.m., we’re going to have a problem. This is a biological issue. I can either have great sex or a decent night’s sleep—but both in the same night? That’s a fantasy novel I haven’t read yet.


10. Can Someone Please Tell Me How to Mute The Sounds of My Joints Popping?

Listen, I don’t know if it’s just me, but the last couple times I was trying to enjoy some spicy time in the sack, I spent a good portion of my limited brain space wondering if they could hear my spine cracking like a glow stick when I moved a certain way. What is that? That’s not sexy. Or having to interrupt getting almost there in my favorite position with a poorly timed “Oh ow stop, stop, my hip! SHIT!”

issues in your inbox!

subscribe now to get our newsletter and stay in touch

thanks for submitting!

uniting gen x women by acknowledging we exist

© 2024 She's Got Issues

bottom of page